santa picture

Since this is Raegan's first Christmas I really wanted to get a picture of her with Santa. We were at a party last week and they had a Santa there. Anytime we would go near him she would hold onto me so tight so I knew it might be interesting trying to get a picture. Friday night we went to Fashion Island to get a picture with Santa. We got her all dressed up in her Christmas outfit and she was really happy all the way up until she saw him. I don't really need to explain what happened after that because the picture does it well.

happiness and joy

Over the last few weeks I have really been thinking about these two words and what they mean. What they mean for me, for our family and for others. I have been faced with the news of people becoming ill, people passing away, and marriages struggling. A few weeks ago I was talking to somebody about how God desires for us to be happy and they challenged my thinking in that. God doesn't promise us happiness, he promises that with his spirit in us we will have joy. In all of that I go back to God and remember that we are living in a time where Christ has come and he will come again. It's interesting that this is on my mind now as we are quickly approaching Christmas, a holiday that is celebrated because of the birth of our Christ, the savior of the world.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." Luke 2:10

The good news is that God sent his son into this world to be among his people and ultimately to die for our sins and bridge the separation between God and humanity. He sent his son for me and for you and for every other person. Because of that we can live with the knowledge that we are saved and will live forever with Christ.

I have really been trying to remember this as we are going through the Christmas Season and am so thankful for all it means to me. When Christ lives in us we are filled with joy.

Family Pictures

Last week we had our wonderfully talented friend Shara take family pictures. She and her family just moved down here from Fresno. I met her through some ROCKHARBOR friends and have really enjoyed getting to know her the last few months. She has the sweetest family!

There are so many fun places to go in OC. We decided to go out into nature this time which was a bit interesting. It ended up being cold and super windy. Poor little Raegan's lips kept getting more and more purple as time went on. However, Shara took some amazing photos and we are so happy with how they turned out.

Here is one of my favorite family photos. Raegan wasn't too sure what was going on at this point!

This shot really captures Raegan's sweet smile and squinty eyes. I especially love those little teeth in there!

Lately Raegan has been really cuddly and I am so enjoying it! I was trying to warm her up a bit right here. Look at those eyes :)

Our little sweetie looking at her daddy.

Love.

thankful.

This post is coming a little late but the past couple weeks have been busy! This year we were able to travel out to Arizona for Thanksgiving to be with Jeff's side of the family. It was such a joy to see all the little cousins together ranging in age from Raegan who is 11 months to Laney who is 6. They were able to play a lot together! We went to the park, ate meals together, cooked, baked, and I read a lot of Harry Potter! Jeff and his sister Kaelyn also had surgery while we were there. Jeff on his shoulder and Kaelyn on her ankle. They spent a lot of quality time resting on the couch and watching football.

Here are some fun pictures of our time there.

Raegan and I at the park

Jeff, Laney, Noah and Caleb as Jeff was walking across the monkey bars with his arm in a sling. Scared us all just a bit!

Jeff and his Papa

Lincoln, Noah, Laney, Caleb and Raegan all in their new Christmas jammies!

There is so much I have to be thankful for. An amazing husband, beautiful daughter, wonderful family, supportive and caring friends, a great church, and a God who loves me more than I will ever know.

A Place in my Heart

Something people might not know about me is I have a huge heart for people with disabilities. I'm not sure how it came to be but I think it's a gift God gave me. There are two special people who have been in my life that I love dearly.

One is named Kelly. Unfortunately I don't have a digital picture of me and her but we met when I was in middle school. Her brother played baseball with all of the boys I went to school with. We would see each other at games and eventually started talking and became friends. She was a few years older than me and had a twin brother and sister who were my age. Kelly had muscular dystrophy and when she was 13 she got really sick and ended up having to be put on a ventilator for the rest of her life. Kelly was one of the funniest people I knew. She had such a love for life, people, and having fun. We would travel to baseball tournaments together, sit at her house and watch tv together or listen to music in her room. I loved spending time with her because she would always make me laugh. She also was super driven. She always was starting new companies and making neat videos on the computer. Kelly was so selfless. Although she was restricted and in a wheelchair for the whole time I knew her she didn't let that stop her from doing anything. She was an inspiration to me and taught me so much about loving people and not being afraid to be who I am. One of the reasons it was on my heart to post this is because in three days it will have been 1 year since Kelly went to be with Jesus. I miss her so much and love reflecting on who she was and the ways she changed my life.

My other friend is named "Coop". Coop was born with Cerebral Palsy. I met him at a Young Life camp called Windy Gap in North Carolina in the summer of 2004. I was there for a month to serve on Summer Staff and he had just ended his time on Summer Staff and was there for a week with some campers. Here is a picture of the two of us. I would always ride around on the back of his wheelchair around the camp.



Coop also inspires me. For 7 1/2 years now we have kept in touch and most of it is because of his consistency. We talk almost weekly and update each other on what is happening in our lives. Recently I have become his secretary and he calls me to help him send emails out to his Young Life leaders. :) I love his heart for the kids he leads in Young Life and for the leaders he oversees. Although he is in a wheelchair and can't do much on his own he doesn't let that stop him from serving Jesus and spreading His love. He inspires me to overcome my insecurities and not let them get in the way of loving others.

Both of these friends have a dear place in my heart and I am thankful God placed them in my life. They have taught me so much about how to love life and how to love people.

How do you not know what I want?

One of the things I love about marriage is I am constantly learning. Learning how to communicate, care for Jeff, support him, love him and many more things. There is one specific topic that continues to come up for us and that is being able to communicate what I need and want.

A great example of this would be a conversation we had about a week and a half ago. Let me set the stage...Jeff had been working all week then left on Friday morning to go on a guys camping trip through Sunday afternoon. In the middle of the week I came down with a cold and wasn't feeling super hot. Then as the weekend got closer Miss Raegan also started getting stuffed up and not feeling too well. Because of this and some other reasons we basically didn't leave the house for 48 hours which, if you know me, was quite hard. Then Saturday night she was up every couple hours because she had a fever. So by the time Jeff got home on Sunday I was ready to have a little break. :)

He got home and we visited for a while then I said, "Hey, I was thinking we could get a babysitter and maybe go grab dinner and go to church tonight." He didn't really feel up for it since he had just gotten home so I said, "Maybe at least we could get some take out for dinner because I don't really feel like cooking." We kind of went back and forth and by this point I was getting a little upset. I didn't want to make dinner and I really wanted to get out of the house. He wanted to stay home and have a salad. :) So I got a little more frustrated as time went on and decided to just make something frozen we had here. At the end of the night I realized that I never communicated exactly what I wanted and needed. I Just hinted at things I wanted and suggested different things we could do, expecting Jeff to figure it out. That wasn't fair to him. I ended up apologizing and saying I really had wanted to get out of the house and at least go to dinner and spend some time with him and that I was sorry I didn't communicate it more clearly and instead got frustrated.

Sorry for the long story but I feel like it's a great example of how I often expect Jeff to know what I want without me clearly communicating it to him. Then I get resentful and bitter when if I would have just told him in the first place what I wanted the conflict could have been avoided.

Oh the joys of marriage :) It has helped me grow and change so much.

Happy Halloween!

I'm not really the biggest fan of Halloween. I don't love to be scared and I don't really like all the scary decorations. I do like cute Halloween and fall decorations, the yummy fall recipes and most of all my sweet girl dressed up as a ladybug. Earlier this week Raegan and I went to Disneyland with our friends and took some pictures with their fall decor. I love that we can just get in the car and take a quick trip over there and am looking forward to the memories we will make there as a family.



Then on Thursday my friend Shara offered to take pictures of some of her friends' kids. It was such a great idea because I know sometimes it's stressful to get good pictures on the actual day of Halloween. She set up a backdrop in her back yard where she could take the photos and she made lots of yummy treats! She's super talented. Unfortunately Raegan fell asleep in the car on the way there so she was a little out of it and we couldn't get her wide open mouth smile. But Shara definitely got some really cute pics. Here are a couple of them...




Have a great Halloween!

Pinterest Crafting Party

I was invited to a really fun party yesterday. It was a Pinterest crafting party. Everything about it was from Pinterest, the food, decorations, and drinks. Then the hostess Ingrid asked everybody who was coming to pick a craft from Pinterest and bring the supplies to make it. She had all sorts of delicious food and set up tables in her back yard where we hung out and made our crafts.





I had a lot of different things I wanted to make but I finally decided on making a Christmas wreath. I got the idea from Keep it Simple, Sister's Blog. She made a really cute fall wreath. It took me about 2 1/2 hours to make and would have taken less time if my thread wouldn't have kept coming out of the felt! Here are some pictures of the finished product.



I also made flowers out of fabric for the first time. They are actually really easy to make and a fun little addition to the wreath.



Another really special part of the afternoon was that Ingrid asked each woman who came to bring a children's book. She later explained the books were for the Joyful Life Library, a project that was started by a sweet mom named Heather who lost her son at 6 weeks old. Their goal is to put books in as many PICU's as they possibly can so that when parents have to be there with their kids they can read to them and experience a bit of comfort. Such an amazing idea. Such a wonderful day.

new book

The other day I was reading a blog that I love called Joy's Hope and she mentioned a book she was reading called Grace for the Good Girl. It sounded like an interesting title so I looked up the book, read a chapter on the website and was super interested.

I am about eight chapters in and it has been so amazing. I think the title is a little misleading because not everybody would consider themselves a "good girl" but what the book has to say really applies to a lot of people. It talks about how the way, we as women, hide. Whether it is hiding from something, hiring behind something or just hiding something. Then it talks about the finding and the freedom of being found.

In the introduction it says, "My idea of who I should be is at war with who I am. I want to be perfect in every situation. I just do. I want to know what to do. I want to know how to do it right. And I want to do it . All. By. My. Big. Self. Not only do I want to do everything perfectly, I want to look perfect while I do it. I want to act perfect and sing perfect and have perfect teeth. I want to parent perfectly, to wife perfectly, and to have a clean house all the time." Once I read this I was like, "I think she's talking about me." It all goes back to my previous post about grace. For some reason I have in my head that I need to do everything right. Not sure where that came from...still trying to figure it out but I know it's not true and if I continue to think that way my life is going to be very difficult.

The book goes on to talk about expectations and definitions. This is a big one for me. I place so many expectations on myself that I continually fail. It eventually becomes super tiring and defeating. This is something I have been working on for a while and continue to do so. The author, Emily Freeman says, "When we believe that God expects us to try hard to become who Jesus wants us to be, we will live in that blurry, frustrating land of Should Be rather than trust in The One Who Is. We will do whatever we believe it takes to please God rather than receive the acceptance that has already been given. We will perform to live up to what we believe his expectation is of us rather than expectantly wait on him." Wow...I want to do that. I want to learn how to wait on him and not feel like I need to do everything myself. It's such a great reminder to me that God has already accepted me for who I am and that I should do the same.

I love the different ways God chooses to show us things about ourselves. This is just a small portion of what I have received from reading this book and hopefully I'll share more as I go along. I would ask you, what are the expectations you put on yourself? How can you push into Him and receive the acceptance he has given you?

Harvest Day 2011

On Sunday we went with some friends to a local pumpkin patch for their annual Harvest Day. It was such a fun time to be with everybody. We all walked through the corn maze and a couple kiddos got lost along the way. I was joking that it was nice to have a kid that couldn't walk yet so we knew where she was all the time! Here is a picture of our sweet girl playing in the hay


We were all taking tons of pictures and I think the kids started getting sick of it! They were also interested in all of the pumpkins and hay. Here's one of the attempts to get a picture of Will, Raegan, and Logan. :)


Here's our little family. We had to have sunglasses on because the sun was so bright.


Happy October!

Arizona Trip

Last weekend we went out to Arizona to visit Jeff's wonderful family and had such a great time. Raegan is old enough that she can crawl around and play with her cousins, which is so fun to watch.

We went over to Jeff's sister Julie's house one morning while Jeff, Keith, and Nancy went to watch Kaelyn play soccer. Noah and Caleb had a fun time giving Raegan all of the toys from the basket while she was in the jumper.



Here is Noah and Raegan on the floor together.



We also tried to get a good picture of Raegan with her cousins and Jeff's cousins kids. It was a little difficult to do with a 5 year old, two 3 year olds, two 9 month olds and a 7 month old! This was one of the funny ones.

milestones

It truly is amazing the amount things that happen each day with Raegan. She is growing up and starting to get more brave and explore different areas of the house. This past weekend she started to crawl a little bit. She still is figuring it out and would rather scoot to toys because it's much faster.



Then on Monday I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and she was crawling around on the floor in the family room. Next thing I know I walk around the corner to check on her and she has gotten up on her knees and is up on the bookshelf pulling off books. :)



Yesterday I went into her room after she had woken up from her nap and she was sitting up! It was the first time that she had gotten herself up to a sitting position from laying down.



I have really been thinking about how blessed we are that I am able to stay at home with her. I get to experience these fun milestones each day and it is such a gift. I am thankful. I wonder what's going to happen today!

this is our God

Here are some lyrics I have been reflecting on this morning to a song called "This is Our God" by Hillsong.

Your grace is enough
More than I need
And your word I will believe
I wait for you
Draw near again
And your spirit make me new
And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Your presence in me
Jesus light the way
By the power of your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By your spirit i am free
And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us
Surrendered your life upon that cross
Great is your love
Poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Sovereign king
Rescued the world
This is our God

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us
Surrendered your life upon that cross
Great is your love
Poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever out God is glorified
Sovereign king
Rescued the world
This is our God

Ever since the first time I heard this song I have loved it. God wants us to fall at his feet and worship him. In the midst of such a broken and uncertain world the one thing we have to cling to is the truth that God is constant, never changing, and has sacrificed it all for us. For me. For you. I have days when I don't understand all the brokenness and my heart hurts for the people I love who are in so much pain. Today is one of those days. Just thinking about it all brings me to tears. One of my strengths is empathy, which allows me to feel what other people are feeling. It is a blessing most of the time but can definitely be hard as well. I have had to learn how to have boundaries and separate myself from the things people are feeling and to use this strength in positive ways. As hard as it is to have days like this, I think it's good because that's what brings me closer to Him. He draws me in and assures me that He is in control and that He is good. I have to choose to live in those truths. To trust in God and that he knows what's best and he will take care of the people I love.

I was also encouraged by the beginning of Psalm 100 as I was reading this morning. It says, "Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture."

I hope you can be encouraged today too...no matter what you are going through that God is in control, He loves you and that He sacrificed it all for you.

delicious tostadas

I got this recipe from a friend a couple weeks ago and it's one of my new favorite. You can add different things or use meat but here's what I used:

1 pack of hard tostada shells
1 rotisserie chicken
1 can of refried beans
shredded cheddar cheese
lettuce
avocado
tomato
salsa
green onions
cilantro

Chop up the chicken and lettuce, warm up beans. Spread beans on the tostada shell and top with the rest of the ingredients. Easy as that. Enjoy!

God's Love

Recently Jeff and I were having a conversation about the ways we are starting to grasp God's love for us since we have had Raegan.

A book I am reading puts it like this, "There is no substitute for the way children teach us about God. The way they depend on us, trust us, and imitate us is a beautiful picture of how we are to be as God's children. The Bible challenges us to have faith like these little ones: 'let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.' and he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.' [Mark 10:14-16]" - Totally Desperate Mom by Wendy Hagen

Before I had Raegan I knew God loved me. I thought I understood how much and what his sacrifice meant. But I had no idea. I am just now starting to grasp how much he loves me. I am so in love with our sweet daughter. I would do anything for her. The choices I make and the things I do now are all in consideration of what is best for her. God is the same with me. He would do anything for me. In fact, he did do EVERYTHING for me. The plans he has for my life are what is best for me even though I might not know it at the time. Raegan can do nothing to earn my love and I can do nothing to earn Christ's love. It's reassuring to know on my best days and on my worst days that God loves me the same.

One of the other things that I have been thinking about is God's love for Raegan and his plans for her life. It is so comforting to know that I can multiply the amount I love her by infinity and that is how much God loves her. As I continue to pray for her and pray for God to help me be the best mom I can be, I can rest in the fact that our savior is here. He is walking alongside Jeff and me as we grow as parents, as we do things right and when we make mistakes, and as we celebrate this little life he has blessed us with.

I pray I can keep these things in view and remember the truth as I have days that aren't the easiest. Not that I ever have hard days or anything! :)

bam-boooooooooo

As we continue to get settled into our house Jeff and I continue to think of things we want to do. Things that are small and would take a day, like installing the surround sound speakers, and others that would take a lot more time, like tearing out all the bamboo in our front planter and planting other things in its place. We both have opinions about which of these things should be done first and which ones can wait. Well, let me just give a little context for the story I'm about to tell...Most of the week I spend inside the house. When the weekend comes along and Jeff is outside working on projects I would love to be out there with him but it's a little hard since I can't do everything he can. Let me correct myself, I can't do really anything he can. However, as we started talking about tearing out the bamboo in our front planter I thought to myself, "I think I could do that...yeah, for sure I could." So I kept asking Jeff if he would mind me doing it. He was resistant at first but then finally said, "If you want to you can, but just know that I have other things to do and won't be able to help you at all. In fact, I would prefer to wait to do it, but if you really want to, go ahead." So, I decided to take that as a challenge and prove to him that I could tear all the bamboo out without his help at all and I got to work. Here's what it looked like before


It took me a few hours and by the time it was all torn out I had filled up both of our big garbage bins and about 6 black garbage bags. I only asked him for help one time, and that was at the end while I was loading all the garbage bags up. :) hehehe...but let me tell you, I felt like a grandma for the next week because I could barely move my fingers and the joints hurt so bad! What I thought was going to be an easy project turned into a much more complicated one because little did I know bamboo roots grow like crazy and you can't just plant in the same dirt they were planted in. Jeff dug a foot down and moved the dirt to the side of the house, then sprayed the planter with weed killer for a couple weeks. Then, just this past weekend he had to dig dirt from another big hole on the side of the house and transplant it. Whew...that was a lot of work! Then we were ready to plant.

Here's how it turned out


Sorry for the long drawn out story. But the moral of the story is that sometimes things take a little longer than I think, especially if you are going to do them right. Also, my husband is a patient man :)

Grace

First, let me start with a couple disclaimers...
1. I have wanted to start blogging for a while because since I'm home all day every day now I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind. I haven't started because of the appearance of my blog. Who knows when I will get it figured out so I decided I may as well just start and get that figured out later.

2. I am not a great writer, so sorry in advance. I would love to share what is going on in our lives as well as things I have been thinking about. I hope you enjoy despite that fact!



But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians12:9

Grace. A word that constantly comes up for me. Wouldn't it be easy to just believe what He says is true? That HIS grace is sufficient for me and in my weakness HIS power is made perfect. I have always had a hard time giving myself grace. I expect perfection and nothing less. My expectations are high and often unattainable. This has gotten even worse now that I'm a mom. I want to do it right, I want Raegan to be a good baby who sleeps well, eats well and is happy. I don't want to do something that will impact her in a negative way so I am constantly thinking about what I am doing and how it is going to effect her. Things like if I rock her to sleep is she ever going to be able to get to sleep on her own, should I be feeding her solid foods yet and how much and if I feed her fruit first is she going to eat her vegetables. Let me just tell you, it gets tiring thinking like this all day. These are only a couple examples of what goes on in my mind.

I was talking with somebody the other day about how I am going to mess up and I have messed up in the past. I am going to make mistakes and that's okay. They brought up a good point about how my expectations and lack of grace for myself could actually effect Raegan in a negative way. If she grows up seeing the pressure I put on myself what is she going to think? Will she think that I expect the same things from her that I expect from myself? I never thought about it that way and I appreciated that perspective.

So here I am at the end of another day where I didn't give myself any grace. I am tired and cranky and emotional. I don't like it. I want God's grace to be sufficient for me. He freely give me grace, why can't I give it to myself? Starting tonight I am going to try harder. Try and focus on His word and the promise He makes. We'll see how that goes. :)

Happy Valentines Day!

This Valentines Day was a special one because Jenny and her kids were in town to visit us...well, really Raegan! We had a fun day and went to this new place near the house called Sky High that is a huge warehouse full of trampolines. The kids [and Jenny] had a great time jumping while I watched and hung out with Raegan. Then we went to Bruxie , a new restaurant by the Orange Circle that sells waffle sandwiches that are delicious! I will take a picture next time we go of the yummy sandwiches and waffle fries. We ended the day with some heart shaped pizzas and funfetti cupcakes. It was so fun!

Introducing Raegan Maureen Braun...

A little over two weeks ago Raegan decided to make her appearance. I had been having contractions off and on mostly at night for a couple days. I woke up on Wednesday morning and it seemed like my water had broken so I called my sister in law Julie and explained the situation and she suggested we go into the hospital. The funny thing was that Jeff had had Monday and Tuesday off so this was his first day back at work since before New Years. He had been at work for about a half hour when I called and told him it was time to go to the hospital. He headed home while I took a shower and got everything ready for the hospital.

We got there and checked in around 8:15 and by 8:45 we were admitted. We called both of our moms and they were on their way! I was dilated to a 3 and my contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. I decided to wait a little while to have my epidural because I wanted to be able to walk around and didn't know how long the labor would take. I didn't want to be stuck in bed all day! At about 1:15 I decided it was time for the epidural and that was one of the best decisions I have ever made! I wasn't making much progress, which was a little frustrating so I thought we may be in for a long day. My mom flew in and arrived at 2:30. Jeff's mom arrived around 3:30. At 4:00 I got checked again and was fully dilated and ready to go!

Raegan arrived at 5:02pm, weighing 7lbs and was 20" long. She made one little peep when she came out but was very calm after that through all the things the nurse had to do to her.

She has been such a joy so far and we are so thankful she is here! :)

Getting Ready...

The nursery is pretty much complete except for just a few little pieces. I am really happy with how it turned out. Here are a few pictures




We're just a week away from the due date and couldn't be more excited to meet little miss Raegan. Jeff and I are both anxious for her arrival, as are our friends and family. Hopefully she will be here soon :)