Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A Place in my Heart

Something people might not know about me is I have a huge heart for people with disabilities. I'm not sure how it came to be but I think it's a gift God gave me. There are two special people who have been in my life that I love dearly.

One is named Kelly. Unfortunately I don't have a digital picture of me and her but we met when I was in middle school. Her brother played baseball with all of the boys I went to school with. We would see each other at games and eventually started talking and became friends. She was a few years older than me and had a twin brother and sister who were my age. Kelly had muscular dystrophy and when she was 13 she got really sick and ended up having to be put on a ventilator for the rest of her life. Kelly was one of the funniest people I knew. She had such a love for life, people, and having fun. We would travel to baseball tournaments together, sit at her house and watch tv together or listen to music in her room. I loved spending time with her because she would always make me laugh. She also was super driven. She always was starting new companies and making neat videos on the computer. Kelly was so selfless. Although she was restricted and in a wheelchair for the whole time I knew her she didn't let that stop her from doing anything. She was an inspiration to me and taught me so much about loving people and not being afraid to be who I am. One of the reasons it was on my heart to post this is because in three days it will have been 1 year since Kelly went to be with Jesus. I miss her so much and love reflecting on who she was and the ways she changed my life.

My other friend is named "Coop". Coop was born with Cerebral Palsy. I met him at a Young Life camp called Windy Gap in North Carolina in the summer of 2004. I was there for a month to serve on Summer Staff and he had just ended his time on Summer Staff and was there for a week with some campers. Here is a picture of the two of us. I would always ride around on the back of his wheelchair around the camp.



Coop also inspires me. For 7 1/2 years now we have kept in touch and most of it is because of his consistency. We talk almost weekly and update each other on what is happening in our lives. Recently I have become his secretary and he calls me to help him send emails out to his Young Life leaders. :) I love his heart for the kids he leads in Young Life and for the leaders he oversees. Although he is in a wheelchair and can't do much on his own he doesn't let that stop him from serving Jesus and spreading His love. He inspires me to overcome my insecurities and not let them get in the way of loving others.

Both of these friends have a dear place in my heart and I am thankful God placed them in my life. They have taught me so much about how to love life and how to love people.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

How do you not know what I want?

One of the things I love about marriage is I am constantly learning. Learning how to communicate, care for Jeff, support him, love him and many more things. There is one specific topic that continues to come up for us and that is being able to communicate what I need and want.

A great example of this would be a conversation we had about a week and a half ago. Let me set the stage...Jeff had been working all week then left on Friday morning to go on a guys camping trip through Sunday afternoon. In the middle of the week I came down with a cold and wasn't feeling super hot. Then as the weekend got closer Miss Raegan also started getting stuffed up and not feeling too well. Because of this and some other reasons we basically didn't leave the house for 48 hours which, if you know me, was quite hard. Then Saturday night she was up every couple hours because she had a fever. So by the time Jeff got home on Sunday I was ready to have a little break. :)

He got home and we visited for a while then I said, "Hey, I was thinking we could get a babysitter and maybe go grab dinner and go to church tonight." He didn't really feel up for it since he had just gotten home so I said, "Maybe at least we could get some take out for dinner because I don't really feel like cooking." We kind of went back and forth and by this point I was getting a little upset. I didn't want to make dinner and I really wanted to get out of the house. He wanted to stay home and have a salad. :) So I got a little more frustrated as time went on and decided to just make something frozen we had here. At the end of the night I realized that I never communicated exactly what I wanted and needed. I Just hinted at things I wanted and suggested different things we could do, expecting Jeff to figure it out. That wasn't fair to him. I ended up apologizing and saying I really had wanted to get out of the house and at least go to dinner and spend some time with him and that I was sorry I didn't communicate it more clearly and instead got frustrated.

Sorry for the long story but I feel like it's a great example of how I often expect Jeff to know what I want without me clearly communicating it to him. Then I get resentful and bitter when if I would have just told him in the first place what I wanted the conflict could have been avoided.

Oh the joys of marriage :) It has helped me grow and change so much.